The day has arrived.
As of 1557 Eastern Time today, I am no longer employed by the United States Department of Defense. I am free! Oh Lawd Jesus, it's a beautiful thing.
I already know I'm going to have difficulty adapting to civilian life. There's no doubt that I've become a bit institutionalized, and having the freedom to come and go as I please, fly fish and hunt as my schedule allows, answer to no one, and spend as much time as possible at my mountain house is really going to bother the hell out of me.
Someone's got to do it.
I think I'm the man for the job.
Carry on, weirdos.
Friday, February 22, 2013
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Onwards and Upwards
Good evening.
Today is an interesting day. Indeed, the past two weeks have been extraordinarily interesting, as I've recently discovered that this Friday, the 22nd of February, 2013, shall be my last day of anything remotely resembling Active Duty.
The circumstances surrounding my separation are for me to know and for you to remain only remotely curious about, but suffice it to say that while less than ideal, they are far from horrible. Anyway. As my service draws rapidly to its close, I sit, reflect, and discuss with my on-again, off-again friend, Jack Daniel.
On one hand, I'm a bit sad to be leaving my life as an Army Paratrooper. As much as it sucked on a day-to-day basis, we did occasionally get to do some very cool shit, and I've made some incredible friends - really just the best kind of people, even if they are vulgar, foul, loud, and entirely unapologetic... not entirely different from my civilian friends, in that way.
The logical part of my brain, however, is incredibly excited to reenter the civilian world. I'll be returning to school a full two years prior to my planned date, thus getting substantially closer to my educational and professional goals. More importantly, I'll be able to fully experience a Colorado fly fishing season for the first time in three or four years; from ice-off to the end of October, you'd better believe I'll be on the water as much as I possibly can. Furthermore, I'll be around for hunting season, which is awesome in and of itself, particularly considering the number of preference points I have... I'm seeing some awesome buck and bull tags in my future. Yet another huge plus is the fact that I'll no longer be in a long-distance relationship with my rather phenomenal girlfriend, Stephanie. We'll actually get to spend more than three days at a time together, which will substantially improve the quality of my life. I could go on and on about why civilian life will be amazing, but you get the idea.
In the end, it's been a wild ride, and an experience that I wouldn't trade anything for. I've grown a lot over the past two years - from a privileged, middle-upper class worthless college student into an airborne infantryman, which is certainly something I'm proud of. I was granted an interesting (if short) combat deployment into Afghanistan, and nothing will ever replace the thrill of running out the back of a Chinook into a remote village in the Hindu Kush, in a place devoid of Coalition presence for two years, alone with my platoon in an incredibly hostile environment, and being on the receiving end of decidedly unfriendly indirect and small arms fire. I've experienced the terrifying excitement of waddling myself out of a frozen, deafening, bucking and generally unreliable Air Force C-130 with 150 lbs of ruck, weapon, and chute attached to me, plummeting through the darkness to an uncertain landing in the miserable cold. Nothing will ever replace those experiences for me, but I've been there and done that, so now it is time to move on with my life.
Well, I'll not bore you any longer with my sentimental, whiskey-influenced ramblings. It is long past my bedtime, and I've got a busy day tomorrow.
Let it be noted - Friday, 22 Feb 2013... The Day The Beard Began.
Stay classy, motherfuckers.
Today is an interesting day. Indeed, the past two weeks have been extraordinarily interesting, as I've recently discovered that this Friday, the 22nd of February, 2013, shall be my last day of anything remotely resembling Active Duty.
The circumstances surrounding my separation are for me to know and for you to remain only remotely curious about, but suffice it to say that while less than ideal, they are far from horrible. Anyway. As my service draws rapidly to its close, I sit, reflect, and discuss with my on-again, off-again friend, Jack Daniel.
On one hand, I'm a bit sad to be leaving my life as an Army Paratrooper. As much as it sucked on a day-to-day basis, we did occasionally get to do some very cool shit, and I've made some incredible friends - really just the best kind of people, even if they are vulgar, foul, loud, and entirely unapologetic... not entirely different from my civilian friends, in that way.
The logical part of my brain, however, is incredibly excited to reenter the civilian world. I'll be returning to school a full two years prior to my planned date, thus getting substantially closer to my educational and professional goals. More importantly, I'll be able to fully experience a Colorado fly fishing season for the first time in three or four years; from ice-off to the end of October, you'd better believe I'll be on the water as much as I possibly can. Furthermore, I'll be around for hunting season, which is awesome in and of itself, particularly considering the number of preference points I have... I'm seeing some awesome buck and bull tags in my future. Yet another huge plus is the fact that I'll no longer be in a long-distance relationship with my rather phenomenal girlfriend, Stephanie. We'll actually get to spend more than three days at a time together, which will substantially improve the quality of my life. I could go on and on about why civilian life will be amazing, but you get the idea.
In the end, it's been a wild ride, and an experience that I wouldn't trade anything for. I've grown a lot over the past two years - from a privileged, middle-upper class worthless college student into an airborne infantryman, which is certainly something I'm proud of. I was granted an interesting (if short) combat deployment into Afghanistan, and nothing will ever replace the thrill of running out the back of a Chinook into a remote village in the Hindu Kush, in a place devoid of Coalition presence for two years, alone with my platoon in an incredibly hostile environment, and being on the receiving end of decidedly unfriendly indirect and small arms fire. I've experienced the terrifying excitement of waddling myself out of a frozen, deafening, bucking and generally unreliable Air Force C-130 with 150 lbs of ruck, weapon, and chute attached to me, plummeting through the darkness to an uncertain landing in the miserable cold. Nothing will ever replace those experiences for me, but I've been there and done that, so now it is time to move on with my life.
Well, I'll not bore you any longer with my sentimental, whiskey-influenced ramblings. It is long past my bedtime, and I've got a busy day tomorrow.
Let it be noted - Friday, 22 Feb 2013... The Day The Beard Began.
Stay classy, motherfuckers.
Monday, February 4, 2013
Guard shifts suck.
Gah. I'm sitting out here in a soft-skinned Humvee pulling ammo guard. Been here since 0300, and it's below freezing... at least the heater works in this metal and canvas shit pile.
To keep my mind busy, I've been sitting here reading all the texts and Facebook messages between my girlfriend and me while gnawing my way through a can of Copenhagen. My cold symptoms have reached critical mass- between a pounding headache, running nose and sneezing/coughing up a storm, I'm feeling pretty sorry for myself.
On the plus side, I'm off in two hours and don't have to work until Tuesday. Also, there are only ten days between me and a long weekend in NY with my Stephanie, which is awesome. She gets to meet The Mother then, as we'll be staying at her house... I'm excited.
Meantime... you sane people sleep, and I'll be here, doing Great Things for my country. H fucking minus.
Saturday, February 2, 2013
Why Redheads Are Sluts
A good but extremely strange friend of mine (who shall remain nameless, lest his wife read this) sent this to me via text message last night. Remarkably enough, I believe he was sober. Anyway, without further ado, our mysterious guest writer will educate you as to why redheaded females are generally slutty (in an awesome way).
(after a long series of texts discussing various scars from overly-enthusisastic sex, which inevitably led to the discussion of redheads):
"Gingers are sluts because they are going extinct, and no woman in her right mind would fuck a ginger guy (and if they did they would promptly abort it). So it's up to the ginger sluts to try and keep the race going... also, they feed on souls, and each load is about 20,000 potential souls - equaling roughly five actual souls.
They're like sexual vampires basically...
...and knowing is half the battle."
And that's all I have to say about that.
(after a long series of texts discussing various scars from overly-enthusisastic sex, which inevitably led to the discussion of redheads):
"Gingers are sluts because they are going extinct, and no woman in her right mind would fuck a ginger guy (and if they did they would promptly abort it). So it's up to the ginger sluts to try and keep the race going... also, they feed on souls, and each load is about 20,000 potential souls - equaling roughly five actual souls.
They're like sexual vampires basically...
...and knowing is half the battle."
And that's all I have to say about that.
Relaxation.
After a long, semi-productive week at work, I'm spending what's left of my Friday night sitting in bed in my stripey PJ pants, stomach full of Mexican food, computer on my lap and whiskey in hand, exorcising my lesser demons through the keyboard. It's quite a relaxing way to spend some personal time.
First, while it's fresh in my mind and on my palate, is this whiskey I'm drinking. It's called Larceny and is a small batch, 92 proof straight bourbon. Neither my taste buds nor nose are developed enough to describe it's "aroma" or how it has "subtle hints of lavender and vanilla", but it's a damn fine bourbon for $24 a bottle. Instead of subtleties, what it suggests to me is aviation fuel with a side of oak-y, smoky deliciousness. As blasphemous as it sounds, I've had to dilute it down to about 3/4 strength in order to take the edge of slightly, without losing that happy, happy burn that always accompanies high-test whiskey.
Next up is Vanessa. Some of you (Few? None? Whatever.) may remember that my car's had an annoying check engine light since this past Thanksgiving, and due to my perpetually shitty work schedule and my lazy and cheap-ass tendencies, I didn't investigate it until this past month while it was with VetteDoctor (Chuck). Turns out it was a bad oxygen sensor (front, bank one) that was causing my ECU to give me a weird fuel trim, which explains the accompanying loss in fuel mileage, power, and overall happiness. Long story short, I finally got her up on a jack today, switched it out with a $65 replacement, and had a wonderfully helpful good ol' boy at the auto parts shop clear my CEL for me. Good as new, and ready to stomp ass on the mean streets of Fayettenam.
As for the rest of it... it's sufficient to say that this week sucked many big ones. Spending long, ridiculous days standing at attention for ceremonies and rehearsals thereof in very cold and windy conditions does not make me a happy Jack.
Anyway, we miraculously got a three-and-a-half-day weekend, with Monday off for Super Bowl recovery (seriously). How awesome is that?
Now off to a very, very deep sleep until I feel like waking up.
Goodnight, weirdos.
First, while it's fresh in my mind and on my palate, is this whiskey I'm drinking. It's called Larceny and is a small batch, 92 proof straight bourbon. Neither my taste buds nor nose are developed enough to describe it's "aroma" or how it has "subtle hints of lavender and vanilla", but it's a damn fine bourbon for $24 a bottle. Instead of subtleties, what it suggests to me is aviation fuel with a side of oak-y, smoky deliciousness. As blasphemous as it sounds, I've had to dilute it down to about 3/4 strength in order to take the edge of slightly, without losing that happy, happy burn that always accompanies high-test whiskey.
Next up is Vanessa. Some of you (Few? None? Whatever.) may remember that my car's had an annoying check engine light since this past Thanksgiving, and due to my perpetually shitty work schedule and my lazy and cheap-ass tendencies, I didn't investigate it until this past month while it was with VetteDoctor (Chuck). Turns out it was a bad oxygen sensor (front, bank one) that was causing my ECU to give me a weird fuel trim, which explains the accompanying loss in fuel mileage, power, and overall happiness. Long story short, I finally got her up on a jack today, switched it out with a $65 replacement, and had a wonderfully helpful good ol' boy at the auto parts shop clear my CEL for me. Good as new, and ready to stomp ass on the mean streets of Fayettenam.
As for the rest of it... it's sufficient to say that this week sucked many big ones. Spending long, ridiculous days standing at attention for ceremonies and rehearsals thereof in very cold and windy conditions does not make me a happy Jack.
Anyway, we miraculously got a three-and-a-half-day weekend, with Monday off for Super Bowl recovery (seriously). How awesome is that?
Now off to a very, very deep sleep until I feel like waking up.
Goodnight, weirdos.
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